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A fat, useless bitch. Words I screamed to persecut

A fat, useless bitch. Words I screamed to persecute myself as I hit rock bottom, sobbing hysterically on my helpless husband. I do this probably every 6 months when I’ve bottled just enough self loathing for the cork to pop.⁣
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This time it went off with a window shattering bang. It took me days to recover.⁣
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So this is me. A fat, recovering bulimic with damaged mental health as a result of domestic violence and abuse. I’m also a fantastic showman, so if you met me, you wouldn’t know. I am a bundle of shame.⁣
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And now I want my life back. The way I feel⁣about my body ruins every part of my life that’s beautiful. There are people who are able⁣ to be told they’re loved, they’re enough - but not me. I can’t be placated because I haven’t loved me in a long time.⁣
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I’ve ruined my body with diets and fads and relentless exercise and hatred - and I know, from all of this that no one can rescue me.⁣
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However, I’m coming to terms with the realisation that I can rehabilitate myself, with help. I’m very lucky to have a person in my life who specialises in just that but I’ve always felt too stupid to ask for help before. This time I put my pride (stubborness) aside. ⁣
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One month on and my body is happier, I’m one stone down and my emotions are more stable. I can see my path if I’m persistent. ⁣
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There are no miracles, and I know it’s going to take time, but I’m on my journey at last and I realise only I can do this for me. I’m putting this out here not for me, I don’t need pity, but for anyone else reading this - if you feel like you can’t break free, reach out and I’ll take your hand too. You can do this.

#AD - What's for dinner at your place?⁣ 🥗
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#AD - What's for dinner at your place?⁣ 🥗
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Since we've been growing our own vegetables - *see very proud instagrammed moment above* - the boys have been more keen to join in with the cooking, or at least the picking of the vegetables and chopping them up. ⁣🥕🌽
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This month in #piccolofamilyfriends we were sent the very tasty new @mylittlepiccolo Piccolo Cooking Stock Powders to try. Perfect for babies and all of the family, they're organic [hooray!] with no added sugar or salt, and are gluten and palm oil free! ⁣
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We're caught between the 🍃Basil and 🍅Tomato and 🌽🥕🥦Vegetable powders, but there's a Beef one too that we haven't tried yet! ⁣

We're back - still with quarantine hairstyles [alt

We're back - still with quarantine hairstyles [although you can't actually tell with me, I'm turning into a brunette *cough* with more grey *cough* Rapunzel]. Homeschooling is over, Summer stay-at-home-holidays are here, and I decided to list our top five ⁣⁣
accomplishments/good things going on right now...⁣⁣
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1 - I've grown over 100 runner beans now and they're the best runner beans in the whole world. I am a gardener.⁣⁣
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2 - Our tadpoles are frogs - I MADE FROGS! Actual frogs. It's been a rollercoaster.⁣⁣
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3 - Dad's shielding period because of his Cancers ends on August 1st so we can go and see him.⁣⁣
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4 - Hero turned 6 [although he will always seem like a teeny two year old to me] and we had a lovely day at home eating Aquaman cake.⁣⁣
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5 - I achieved a 5 star island on Animal Crossing. Haha. Yep.⁣⁣
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It all feels a little bit brighter in our life*, even though nothing has actually changed in reality. How about you? ⁣⁣
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*On the downside, I wish I'd bought shares in Epic Games' Fortnite before lockdown. ⁣

Alllll cancelled...we had our refund from @waltdis

Alllll cancelled...we had our refund from @waltdisneyworld today. Waaah. This photo is from the last time we visited our “home” and I’d just found out, five minutes before we left to go to the airport, that I was carrying a stowaway with me. That teeny stowaway is SIX years old tomorrow and we were surprising them with our holiday in October, but for now it’s a no-go for us, so we’ve taken the refund and we’ll wait to see what happens in the world.

AD - What do an oven chip, frisée lettuce and a m

AD - What do an oven chip, frisée lettuce and a melting Chocolate Orange have in common? They're all a part of our family scrapbook of memories - and my boys' "firsts" when it comes to another huge parenting milestone - weaning! ⁣
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Milestones are what we cherish and treasure most amongst the day to day of becoming parents - and weaning is a HUGE rock of a milestone with flags and confetti shooting from it. You get to educate your baby with new flavours and textures, shape their tastebuds, turn them into foodies...and everywhere you turn, someone else has different advice for you on what to do. You want your baby to love their food, be adventurous and develop a vast palate - but is it down to you, entirely?⁣
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So we've been talking about our weaning stories in the @mylittlepiccolo Piccolo Family Friends group - and if you're about to start your adventures in weaning, head on over and read some of our stories, see some of our honest videos on how it was for us. ⁣
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If you've been through the weaning stage, was it everything you hoped? Did it match your pre-weaning daydreams? As with most stops along my own parenting journey, it was nothing like I thought I wanted [beautiful homemade purées in pasted hued pots] - but it was more fun than I imagined [getting covered in half chewed food during baby led weaning], and more stressful at times too, like most aspects of raising a child. All three of mine weaned in different ways and at different ages - and they're all such different eaters even now. None of it was predictable, but we figured it out together. ⁣
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Can you remember your babies' first foods - or yours, if your parents told you about it? Did you, or are you planning to try baby led weaning or traditional spoon fed purées?

We only have one butterfly left. 🦋 His name is

We only have one butterfly left. 🦋 His name is crinkly and his wings didn’t form properly as he emerged. He’s living the high life and eating fruit salad every day, playing video games and currently having some sunshine. ⁣
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We had 🐛 34 caterpillars; 2 didn’t manage to emerge from their chrysalis, one was born with crooked wings, we have crinkly and 30 flew free. So worth every penny from @insectlore! ⁣
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If you’ve never seen a butterfly emerge, I’m putting it in our stories. 🐛🦋It’s amazing! ⁣
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This lockdown I’ve raised tadpoles to 🐸 frogs caterpillars to butterflies, stick insects from eggs, grown locusts 🦗, and grown my vegetables and flowers from seeds 🌾. I’m feeling like my character on Animal Crossing at the moment - all I need is a fishing pole and little lake. 🦞🐠🦑. Have you done anything you’d never normally have done during the pandemic?

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