This whole week has been a bit of a downer – and we’re only a few days into it. I wasn’t in the best of moods last week and then what feels like since the dawn of Sunday, one thing after another seemed to go wrong, or feel unjust, and on top of my general mood about the way various things are going in my life at the moment, I wished I was back at the beach, any beach, just skipping stones like Lyoto does, every time he finds himself with his toes in the ocean.I’d never skipped stones until the boys grew big enough to paddle and waddle along the shore – and as soon as they did, it began. First of all it was little tumbles of chubby handfuls of pebbles into the sea foam as the waves broke on the shore; that became a game of chasing the waves and running from them, until they discovered just how powerful the sea can be, and how fear of it was healthy – and now, it’s a mustering of all of the energy in their little beings to cast their chosen sea stone as far as their bodies will allow.
And as ridiculous as I think I would absolutely look in doing that, sometimes I wish I could. To reach down to the sand, find that smooth, grey rock and squeeze it tight. Fill it with everything that I need to say goodbye to, and run. Run fast and free, towards the tideline, building up the swing to catapult the stone and everything it signifies into the ocean. To carry away, to sink to the seabed, never to return – or at least, to stay away for some time. If only it was that easy, huh?
What I know I need to learn is perspective. I love watching my boys by the sea and whatever the weather, it’s always beautiful just to be there – even when it’s not. I know that makes no sense, but you see I photographed them here, on Poole Beach on a dull, overcast afternoon – and yet because I love the ocean so much, as I edited them, the photographs became magical to me. I saw colours, looking at our memories of that afternoon, that I’m sure I’d never notice if I didn’t love the waves on the shore, or daydream at the way that the sea foam reminds me of lace around the edges of a petticoat. If I’d rather have been at home on the sofa, then I’m pretty sure the photographs would have developed into grey, murky and sullen shots, photographs that just said we were there, but never enjoyed it. So I need a better perspective on this past couple of weeks. I think being just that half pound away from the 2 stone weight loss journey might have something to do with it.
And maybe soon we can get back to the beach – we’re so lucky to live where we do, and we can chose between the forest and the beach – although we tend to head to the forest more than the sea; but then I think that’s to do with the huskies more than our lack of love for the salty air. I’m hoping for a hot summer this year so that we can dip more than just our toes in the water – here’s hoping that yesterday’s sunshine BBQ wasn’t our first and last of 2017!